arodla Brain dump

What is this blog?

This blog is a new beginning. A will to change things.

For ages, I’ve wanted to make a living by doing my own thing on the internet. But it has only been daydreaming. A wannapreneur in the flesh.

In the last decade, I’ve registered more domains than I can remember. I would set up basic WordPress sites only to abandon them all after posting one or two posts.

Life gets in the way. A demanding job, trying to have a social life and be fit doesn’t leave you with much free time.

But that’s bullshit. Just excuses I’ve told myself a million times. I’m tired of lying to myself. I don’t have much trouble finding time to waste on youtube or indefinitely scrolling on Twitter.

I’ve always told myself that the problem is that I needed to find a good idea. That would be the key. But it’s been over ten years and I’m in the same spot I was back then. Without ideas, without projects, and unfulfilled.

So at this point, I’m realizing that it would probably have been best
to at least try and failed than having not tried at all.

I probably have some internal issues I need to work on. By all means, I’ve had an easy life. Good family, nice education, and financial security. Yet, I’m somehow terrified to fail.

Instead of using that fear as fuel and being a tryhard overachiever, my way to not fail in life has been to not try at all. You can’t lose the game if you don’t play it… or so I thought. The reality is that if you don’t even try you already lost.

At this point I’m 33, I have a “nice” job I don’t care about and I’m single even though I’d like to start a family.

I’ve had a privileged position all my life and I feel like I’ve wasted it. Instead of doing the things I’ve wanted to do in life, I’ve done what was expected from me. But since I had no passion for those things, I’ve half-assed them all and I’ve been mediocre all my life.

Sorry for this rant. I needed to get it out of my chest. I hope that this message resonates with some of you. And hopefully, in the future, I can look back to this post and be amazed at how much everything has changed.

I’m tired of that of living like this. I want to live to my full potential.